Death.. a 5 letter word, is not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes its extremely difficult to write on topics like this, its more of rewinding thoughts then to just write on something.
Matamah ( Nani in Sanskrit, maternal Grandmother in English ) is the word which is lovely and is regarded with deep respect, somehow now brings lots of years in my eyes.
The bond of 21 years, suddenly got changed in last June.
We as kids definitely share a special bond with our 3rd superior Generation, and the care we receive from our grandparents is immense and pure! I cherish infinite such memories of my Nani , but unfortunately those are only memories now. I still remember the cute anger she showed when I used to say “Nani, I am going home “ and she used to say” Did you had food?” And If I said NO, my Mami ( Maternal Aunt ) was at high stake, God help her then!
She was a brave lady, who unfortunately got many health problems during her last few years, she also went though 3-4 major operations silently, and to life’s destiny she lost her voice in last 3 years of her life, and handled all the pain silently in her heart and only her eyes could speak! But the way she used to hold my finger whenever I went close, gave a sense of deep connection and love still prevailing in her heart, Ah! How helpless we were! We tried to get best of Doctors, but nothing worked, God has some other plans for her!
May 2012 was a terrible month, when I lost my Nana ( Maternal Grandfather ) suddenly, and we were in deep shock. He went away fulfilling his words – “ I will silently go one day , without harassing you or making you spend a extra penny on me”. And he proved. He passed away before even the Doctor could reach the place!
Nani was on bed, she could not speak, but we could sense her emotional breakdown. Her health was deteriorating day after day, and any call from Mama’s ( Maternal Uncle’s ) place was like a bell of tension that hope all is fine! And the day was not too far, a month later , Saturday evening ( Luckily or Unluckily I was in Baroda ) a call came and a voice simply said-“Come Quickly”, that was my cousin sister’s voice, and I and my Mumma rushed without wasting a second. The Doctor came and her answer was “ Start Praying, Now nothing is in our hand” and that was second shock on the way.
She was lying on bed, semi conscious and her throat making some sounds, adding to our fears, All puzzled and worried. Somehow in this situations some angels do turn up, A elder lady in their flat came to visit us, and she sensed the situation, she guided to make her drink Pious Gangajal and A Tulsi Patra. And the tremendous mantras and prayers were on for her Moksha ( Heart Praying for her Miracle of her Well Being though! ) , we were all by her side, helpless, praying.
My Mama was out of country for his job and he was intimated too, the fight against death was on, she was fighting like a brave lady and all we could do is pray & pray! Mumma was all shattered, somehow she was brave enough to make her passing away mother to hear the Pious 18th Adhyay ( Chapter ) of Bhagwad Geeta, and as it is said, that the one who hears the same in one’s last moments gets Moksha from wordly bondages, and so did she! With the shivering tunes of Hare Rama, Hare Krishna she breathing slowed down, and ultimately the war was over, the death overcame the life!
It was for the first time that I witnessed death, that too of a close one, and trust me that is such an awful moment, I wonder what is the logic of our life and death, what a painful suburb it is. All the rituals followed by, and lastly in absence of her son ( my Mama ) it was me on whose shoulder the responsibility of cremation and last rituals was showered, and ahh I wish I was there to witness that, Such painful moment, wherein we have to bid final good bye to our the reason of our very own existence. And the biggest moment, the final cremation, giving Agnidaah ( the pious fire to the body ) does not only gives fire to the body, but to our every molecule of the mind, our close one has left, leaving behind plethora of memories, and cremation is not at all easy as it seems, it needs lots of guts and courage to perform. On one hand you are supposed to religiously open the path of Moksha for your beloved, on the other hand you are seeing your beloved for the very last time, the hand which holded yours and taught you walking suddenly goes invisible ( giving lots of blessings ) and nothing stays apart from memories and memories.
Matamah – as the Pandit ( saint ) made me address her for the last few times, as part of some shoklas and rituals still echoes in amidst midnight sometimes in my ears, and after waking up the only thing comes to mind is that, now that hand is not there to hold and guide, that lap is not there to rest, but the bonding is there and prevails.
Life is strange, people come and people go, but its not as easy as it seems, people make huge impact on our lives and the bondage is too strong to be burned in fire.
Rest in Peace Nani ! Miss you !
Hope your blessings are always there with us !